When is it safe to Fall in Love?

 

The Greatest Commandment

34Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. 35One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: 36“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

37Jesus replied: “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’^c 38This is the first and greatest commandment. 39And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’^d 40All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Matthew 22: 34-40

This song drives home a very important reality of our times. We all want to be loved and we are mostly in love with the idea of love. But the kind of love that we want must be the kind of love that we GIVE; to GOD, to Ourselves and THEN to Others.

I love the message in this song because it's HONEST. And it makes me wonder how many single people are being this vulnerable about their past and where they are in their heart. Seriously, how many conversations are friendly, loving, caring, nurturing to the point of helping you heal?

How many single people love themselves so much and in such a healthy way that they can love another in a way that builds them up, catches them when they fall, protects them when they are exposed and emotionally raw. How many singles are guarding the other's virtue and making sure they and the person that they are dealing with stays pure enough to stay aware of the fact that old rules go out the window when you begin to deal with someone new? That what you've lived is not what you're living; that who is in front of you is not the person that created memories with you and that this new person deserves your perspective to be crystal clear so that they don't pay for the sins of the past?

Listen, dating is hard! Being vulnerable is hard! But being dishonest, guarded, cynical, bitter, pessimistic, and paranoid is way harder. Add to that the chemical processes our bodies and minds go through when we are emotionally and physically involved with someone and you have generally created major potential for disaster! [ This in and of itself is a great point for the Advocacy of Celibacy and Abstinence but that is a whole other post. ]

What I'm trying to say is that the first sign that it's safe to accept the responsibility of a relationship is that you are both THIS honest with each other.

Here is another idea of love from Kahlil Gibran's masterpiece "The Prophet" on the Subject of Love: 

Kahlil Gibran on Love

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

 

Here's the point:

In order to have what you've never had you have to do what you've never done. Be willing to take calculated risks while guarding yourself from and imbalanced approach. If real love comes from the heart of one who is pure then BE PURE. Nurture real friendships with people who understand you. Don't put all your emotional energy into romantic relationships when you can be putting just as much energy into healthy friendships and enjoying life in the company of people who you appreciate and appreciate you!

Love GOD, Know yourself, Love Yourself - IN THAT ORDER. 

Then and only then will it be remotely safe to give a healthy relationship a try. The second sign that you are ready to "Fall in Love" is that your love and care for the other person is unconditional to the point that you would remain completely whole should things not work out because there is a genuine friendship upon which the affection has been built. And you are not afraid of the risk of being too open or too exposed because you understand that is the nature of love. It will heal you and make you feel good just as often as it will challenge you and push you beyond your comfort zone.

What do you think? How do you know when it's okay to "Fall in Love" after loving, losing, and surviving? Let me know!

Peace be with you,
Jess