Cocoon

Sometimes I get tired... sometimes I need rest. Sometimes I prefer the company of trees to people. Sometimes I feel hurt in my heart; anger, hate, pride- all the things that the Apostles told us we should be on guard against... I must be human.

Scripture tells us All have come short of the Glory of GOD and sometimes we forget, don't we? Have you ever behaved Holier than Thou? And have you ever been Humbled by the Condition of your Heart?

The last few weeks have been full of Moments of Revelation and Repentance. And the Storm within my Heart has left me head hanging, hands kissing the ground and my Heart on it's knees. I've had no Fruit at all...

I wonder what my Brethren would say... would they tell me it's my own fault? Would they remind me to Not Forsake Assembly? Or would they comfort me and weep with me and be curious...

I don't know because I haven't reached out nor have I heard from them and, well, I am at peace with that to a certain extent.

The kicker is that I know in my Heart of Hearts that where I am is exactly where I need to be.

I understand the "Consider it Pure Joy" scripture... Character comes at the price of pain. Chains often break in the face of pressure. And Freedom is equivalent to Responsibility.

Seven Months ago, I said "I Do" to a Man who Loved me to Life. And it is only now that I'm growing Roots, burrowing deeper into the Sacredness of Our Vows and allowing myself to accept the inevitable loss of My Former Self- the Seed that I was prior to being a Wife.

It's the scariest thing I've experienced in my Life, thus far. And with Fear comes my Dark Side....

What I'm learning is that I'm allowed to be who I am, where I am, how I am... because that's the whole point of this journey. To be the I Am that I Am and Love GOD above all things, that I should Worship in Spirit and Truth- Trusting in the Christ Within to be the Way and believing in the Holy Spirit's Ability to Comfort and Heal me. I cannot hide behind a smile or act as though it's "Business as Usual" if I truly want to be Used for the Sanctification and Edification of the Body and the Kingdom. And so I stand in my Truth. No matter how often people perceive me as Rainbows and Butterflies- there is always the Flip-side of Holy that I have to Surrender to GOD... until the Work HE began is Complete.

Sometimes- I cocoon.. And that's okay.