Sway

The headache was intense, the dream disturbing. As the dust settles, my reality feels no different. I recognize the exhaustion in my spirit and the ache in my bones. This headache is like the ones that came before; emotional.

The thoughts in my mind bounce around like balls in a small room, hitting the walls, the ceiling and the floor with high velocity. I am dizzied. A shower seems like an escape from the abyss of our bed. I inch my way towards it. I light a candle. I run the water. I sink into my feelings. I fear the noise of them. My body hums. My body sways. I feel my inner child in all her misery. I feel her pain. The water soothes me. The pain remains.

I am safe, I say. I sink into the floor. My arms limp. I forward fold. I sink. The rejection is too clear. The neglect too palpable. Too incredible. I tell myself I am loved. The water falls. The heat soothes me. The pain remains.

I let the water pool. The shower is now a bath. My body sways. I am limp. I am an animal, I think. I hum. I sink. I feel. I witness. There are no tears. Just the hole of what was withheld. A child with no covering. I sink.