Insomnia & Melatonin

I thought I might sleep last night but I was up the whole time and the sun rose without my eyes closing for slumber.

I learned things about myself in the last 7 hours. Among these things are the desires I've yet to live, the ambition I've yet to manifest, and the time before me that I've not been promised.

I often pray that I get the time to return to the earth empty of my light; having given all that was my existence to the world for keeps.

I have only this life to sow within humanity the breath of my time here and yet I have felt bound by the experience to such an extent that I have held tightly to every seed that has come forth in me.

I am the flower that refuses to bloom despite the time and seasons it has lived.

Am I rushing it?

Am I rushing myself?

Or am I actually running out of time?

I have not deciphered the message of the gray hair that began to appear fifteen years or so ago.

Back then they seemed to have come early. Today they feel adequate. But I'm still just as confused by them.

I've yet so much to nurture within me. And so much to give. Are they telling me that my time is running out? Or is that my ego speaking?

Or is that the world getting in my head?

I have yet to decide.

But I do know that something is changing within me.

I see myself emerging from the night with a different perspective in regard to my shadow.

And I welcome this… emergence. I only wish it did not feel like an emergency.