To look forward…

I wish you wouldn't do that.. 

judge me for looking back. 

Because what you don't see is that I know I have been trapped in a lie.

The Truman Show is my life. 

And I'm looking for an exit. 

You say that you don't look back because you're too busy looking forward. 

I'm happy for you, that you have that privilege. 

But you say it with disdain. You say it as though you are frustrated that I cannot do the same thing. 

I don't like that. 

It makes me feel like you sense you are superior to me. 

I do not like that. 

Because I do not want you to believe a lie. No one is superior to anyone. We are all the same. 

There are some of us who have no choice but to look back as far as we can to find our way out of the great illusion. I am one of those people. There are some of us who are not the arrow in the archer's hand and our parents are not the bow. 

You do not know what that is like and so you judge me. You don't have to tell me that you judge me. I can feel it. 

Yet, I will not judge you for behaving arrogantly toward me. I will not do that because I understand that I am no one to judge you. I am only another human being trying to find my way.. 

I hope you remember that some people need to look back to find the right path forward. 

If you love me, you will remember.